Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
