i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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