It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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