it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
