I want to stick my p in your. b.
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
You can't motorboat a personality
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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