I just cut my nipple shaving
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
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