May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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