I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
is that a dick in a sweater?
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
