i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
