i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
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