i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
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