your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
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