I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I wish there were birth control emojis
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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