he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
