Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Still dying that you shit outside
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Randomize
