a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
