Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Randomize
