I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
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