Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
