So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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