Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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