Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
