About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
