im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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