just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
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