Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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