At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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