I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
It's official drugs can't kill me
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
