p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
