What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
