idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
