I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
