So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Randomize
