I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
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He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
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I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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