oh god the rape fog is back!
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
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