its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Randomize
