First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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