Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
