Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
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