Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
