chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
