Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
Rock
Scissors
Fuck
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
