Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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