I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
