So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
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then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
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Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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