I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
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