i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
