I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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