How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
