my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
