We're facebook friends in real life
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
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