first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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