Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize
