We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Randomize
