ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
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