So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
