The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
