Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
