you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
