i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
