so that wasnt chicken after all
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
i will never coherently bang her
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
