He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Randomize
