why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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