it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
