She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
