just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Randomize
