I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
