it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
