We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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