Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
babies were throwing up all over the place
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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