you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
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