I'm gonna have a badass scar
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
