I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
