i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Randomize
