Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
